Entangled

I have never really understood it. I have never really realised the answer to a question that should apparently have an obvious answer - Is life complex or simple? And if anything, why? I have pondered over and wondered about it a thousand times. Each time, for my peace of mind perhaps, I do arrive at some conclusion, which sounds terrific and stupid at the same time. Additionally, each time the conclusion is seemingly different than the previous one. Thus, life and all the purpose of it, becoming much simpler. But as time passes and I cannot manage to reconcile that conclusion powerfully with my ongoing life, it all looks jumbled up and simply just a play of words, making it more complex than ever before. Yes, philosophy to me is becoming a big, Big play of words. The effect of each thought I have on my own mind, mostly temporary and rarely permanent, seems to be gathering all its power from the arrangement of words and phrases that I use to put my imagination into discernable statements. Am I a lover of thought AND language, or just the language that sometimes wears the make up of philosophy? Again, am I really concerned about this, or not even remotely remotely curious? I know I like to keep playing with a mind, and it rarely matters whose mind it is. But sometimes I get confused by this game, when I play with my own mind and in no time I get tangled up into my own set of rules. My rules are based on my thoughts, my thoughts on my experiences, my experiences on my actions. So to arrive at a rule, action becomes a pre-requisite. Funnily enough, my actions are almost always in contradiction with my rules. I keep breaking my own circuit. I don't think I have ever allowed it to be complete, even for once. I'd love to, but I don't. There is just too much resistence, mostly inherent. Love and other relationships play the part of powering from outside but, there is a switch without which no circuit can be completed and I hesitate too much than necessary to put that switch on. I can't even see the switch now. Maybe because it isn't where I am looking, or maybe there is something wrong with my vision, or maybe the lazy demon in me doesn't want to look. I hope I will find it out sooner or later. When I do, I wish time and energy will both be left in sufficient quantities to make some signficant lifestyle changes.

- © Kaustubh Anil Pendharkar.